Monday, August 25, 2014

SITS Morocco Diary #3: Part 1 - Transmuting Pain into Pleasure: A very personal account of Justin's experience since coming to Morocco

Artwork by Julian Robles

Five months have past since our last Diary with a lot happening in all our lives since then; despite the 'blackout' of media coverage. For some here there have been life changing events, hardships and revelations. Can we classify these things as World Changing?

In their own way I have no doubt that ALL events, the world over, are playing their part, ala the Absolute Plan, but stories of ascension, instant manifestation or free energy breakthroughs are off the list. I say this because I want to be clear and direct with you. There are no community projects we all work on to support our material needs. There are people working together in small groups but nothing in the way of Sustainable Community efforts we all collectively contribute to. But there is an over all interest and desire to create these things and everyone here seems to be playing their part in this.

Despite this sobering disclosure, there is a great deal that occurs here and many microcosms of community activities do take place. For example, the Clubhouse is being occupied by over 20 people at present whom all work together at some level to maintain the house. To me this is an example of community and it is absolutely a venue for Community strengthening experiences to take place. But this aspect of our story will be revealed later.

As the title of this post suggests, the following is a very personal accounting of the journey I have been on since coming to Morocco. In sharing this with all of you I hope to reveal a grander aspect of what many have been going through here in Morocco. And on a worldwide scale, everyone is also going through their own initiation and transformation.

Note: This is the preamble to a much larger and more detailed series of postings about what has been happening here in Morocco since our arrival on February 13th 2014. I sat down to begin this diary and soon had well over 5000 words written before I even began discussing our arrival in Aouctham on March 2nd. To make this data more digestible, we will break up this Diary into sections which allows more detail to be included in each section.

Photography by Julian Robles

I will be writing my section of this accounting in the first person, as myself; Justin. And contrary to the usual narrative process here on SITS - where we usually write in green text -  these posts will be in black text.

Why Morocco?

You can read our other Diaries telling the story of our Moroccan Adventure here: SITS Morocco Diary #1: Home is where your Heart IS and SITS Morocco Diary #2: Birthing the Aouchtam QEG; 'She is showing us the New Way'.

Justin (Left) & Julian (Right)

Julian and I came to Morocco for many reasons, we were at a point in our lives where we wanted to begin living our ideals instead of just surviving. This desire comes from a realization that the best way to bring about change is to BE that change; requiring action within the creative spheres we have access to.

For us this meant making a choice, and stepping into the unknown with a group of people who seemed to share our interests and goals. Some of the people who have gathered here realize the present course of civilization will lead to disaster unless those whom have been empowered with knowledge seek to act on that knowledge and make a better way.

As Buckminster Fuller's quote reveals:

R. Buckminster Fuller“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.
To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
― R. Buckminster Fuller

We were asked in late January 2014 to come be apart of an Intentional Community taking root in Morocco which we felt was going to be a place to till the fields of our collective efforts, grounding this 'New Model' into reality.

What I, Justin, did not realize is coming to Morocco was going to push me to the very limits of what I could handle in the way of personal pain and suffering, as I will share with you now.

Breaking the Body to Expand the Mind

I am going to reveal to all of you a very personal aspect of what has been happening for me here in Morocco and how this has affected nearly everything in my life. It seems I was not the only one going through a personal journey, as many of the people who ventured to Morocco either got sick, had flare ups of their own, or had ,what some are calling, "body changes" associated with "new energies." I can not say with any degree of certainty what exactly seems to cause this increase in physical changes, but I suspect it has to do with the energy in Morocco and Detoxification from eating Western foods. But more so, those things represent a shift in one's Being, a choice to embrace seemly 'bad things' and transmute our label of them to reflect a greater truth. For ALL things in life are offered for our continued Spiritual Attainment; something I became more acutely aware of as the weeks and months unfolded here.

Note: I hesitate sharing too much detail about the nature of my injury for several reasons. If I shared all of that there is to share, it will mean revealing a struggle I have been going through all my life, and the chapters of this struggle are long and in depth. I admit there is a fear of abandonment that is present when I consider revealing in totality the nature of my personal experience; as this data can be hard for some to hear. Getting to this point has taken a huge amount of transmutation of this fear into courage. Eventually I may share the 'too much information' aspects with you, but for now I will try not to make you squirm in your chair too much. If I sense that there is a genuine interest to understand the full breadth of this very personal journey of my life, I'll be happy to step through the door of full transparency.

Shortly after arriving in Morocco, I had a flair up of an old injury originating from my adolescence. This injury is in one of the most sensitive areas of my body, and due to the place where the injury occurred, the area is constantly getting aggravated. I will spare you the specific details, but needless to say there was no escaping the pain as a result of this flare up. Kind of like having a cut at the corner of your mouth, every time you eat or say anything the cut gets reopened and you are constantly reminded of the fact that something is not 'right' in your body.

Preparation for the move to Aouctham

While this was happening on a personal level, all of the preparation for the One People Community: Aouchtam events were taking place in mid to late February 2014. We would often meet at Cafe de Paris in Cabo Negro to discuss matters, post updates and plan our move to Aouchtam. The entire time leading up to our eventual move on March 2nd to Aouctham was a struggle for me. The simple act of sitting quietly on my computer or in a group discussion required a tremendous amount of endurance on my part. And many times I would lose focus on what was happening around me because of the intensity. I was having a dissociative experience, which in psychology, indicates a trauma is taking place.

On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being mild irritation, and 10 being nauseating, blinding pain, I was experiencing swings of pain from 5 to 10 on a regular basis. Many times, I would go to the bathroom or wherever I happened to find myself and squat down in a type of fetal position just to regain my mental composure again. I have never experienced labour pains, but I can only imagine this is what it felt like; except in my case the pain was every day, all day for months on end. A pain so intense that it literally pervades all your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Imagine the feeling of stubbing your toe and how it seems to bend all your awareness to that central point, then imagine instead of it lasting only a few moments it comes in continuous waves of increasing strength until you are so overwhelmed you are contemplating death just to end the agony. This has been my life up until mid July.

P.A.I.N. = Pay Attention Inward NOW!

I classify this experience as debilitating because it was the main filter for how I was planning my life. The simple act of going to the market to get food was a major choice of having to suffer through untold agony. The effect that this had on my life was a sense of total despair and lack of motivation. I would normally love to spend hours with my fellows in mind expanding discussions or what have you, but because this meant tremendous pain, I often would not go at all and spend hours in my room just trying to get comfortable. The feeling of loneliness - like I was 'missing all the fun' - was a constant thought in my mind.

This is one of my biggest fears from childhood, that I was missing out on something profound, and as a result of not 'being' there I would be an outsider. The pain was forcing me to look at this issue, as in a sense, this was my fear coming true. I was missing a lot of things, but does that automatically mean I am an outsider? The choice was clear for me then, and now. I must begin to see the experience of my pain as an initiation, an offer of transformation of what I labeled as bad. I must redefine the meanings I have given to my experiences in life and as such transform myself. This is exactly the course that I was heading for, yet at the time it was hard to pull myself up from the dregs of depression and self loathing.

Sadly, I think many of the people here felt like I had a personal problem with them as a result of my long absences from group activities and projects. Many times, my fellows would ask me to go on hikes in the hills, walks on the beach, or tours of other cities, and I would refuse them because I felt debilitated by my condition. For anyone who may fall into this category please know I would have loved to experience all those things and more, please do not take my absence as a judgement of character against you.

QEG Time Period

During QEG time, between mid March and mid May of 2014, there was a constant stream of activity bustling at the Club House. Most of the nearly 70 people from over 25 countries were living here at the 9 unit apartment building, about a half a kilometer walk from the QEG workshop located in the Club House.

9 Unit Apartments - Photography by Julian Robles
Everyday walking down to the QEG area meant, by the time I arrived, I was shaking with pain. Lisa Harrison and Whitney Fisher took notice of this at one point, sending me love and healing on one occasion. Tt was obvious to some I was going through a lot.

Julian was able to capture this tender moment. 

Their gesture of concern was a HUGE acknowledgement for me and I was extremely emotional discovering others did infact care for me. To me this revealed I was understanding my pain and the experiences with it as totally my own issue, as if it was a weakness my fellows would judge as bad and not want to be around me as a result. Nothing could be further from the truth, had I been brave enough to reveal my turmoil I probably would have been surrounded by those offering healing and concern.

Julian and I volunteered to cover events on Stillness in the Storm related to the QEG as well as ensure Audio was recorded for the Video that was being captured at the time. This commitment was part of the thing that pulled me out of my bedroom every day, and forced me to step into life despite my personal struggle. I did my best to describe the QEG from my perspective not getting caught up in the sensational issue of whether or not the QEG should have been open sourced as an unfinished work or not. I felt like I could at the very least discuss the events surrounding the QEG within the greater context of our journey as souls on Earth and what this small piece of the puzzle could mean for humanity and society at large.

Trauma saps the Soul of Motivation to keep on the Path

Despite continuing to stay active, there was still a profound weakening effect on my drive for life during this time; my will was being diminished. The impact that this level of pain has on a person is tremendous, and I soon realized first hand why our would-be masters use Trauma Based Mind Control techniques the world over.

If a pain is consistent enough, it wears you down to the point of near insanity. Before long everything you are seems to orient itself toward trying to get away from the pain and trauma; away from the thing you have labeled as 'unwanted.' This becomes one of the most present and dominating motivations in one's life and what I was going through was no exception. I felt as time went on, and I continued to judge the experiences I was having as limiting, horrific and undesirable, my motivation to keep on living was slipping away. I was tilling the fields of discontent and ensuring that my future experiences would be as I labeled them; bad.

I have always loved spending time with my fellows, listening to their experiences, sharing my own and cultivating a bond between us; this seems to be one of my great passions in life. But as a result of the constant pain, I could barely sit still long enough to hear about anything without feeling like I had to run into the other room to regain my composure. It seemed all the things in life I had found comfort in were now soured by the experience I was having or my choice on how to interpret it.

QEG time was a bittersweet experience for me, as I was so excited to see the torrent of activity unfolding here, but also had to endure a ceaseless storm of my own. I had lost the Stillness within my Storm, but all of this was compelling me to change, to look at myself in a new light and remake myself as a result of learning to transcend this temporal hardship.

For as many who begin to understand Spirituality know, a life of challenge will always bear the fruits of character transcendence and Spiritual Attainment. A life of ease will usually lead to dependency and stagnation. I must have signed up for a lot of growth in this life!

The Fruits of Pain

What could be gained from such suffering? I share all this not in attempts to gain sympathy - although it is comforting to know compassion is felt by others - but to reveal how this experience has strengthened my character and helped draw awareness to habits, behaviors and beliefs I had picked up throughout life that were now meant to fall away. Within the technique of Soul Creation or Growth, we must always be presented with experiences which cause us to expand ourselves and grow beyond the limits we come to understand about ourselves. This experience was and is exactly that.

I was having a 'bad' experience, because of the meaning I was giving the sensations of my body. Just like positive affirmations can help us open our mind to see things differently, so do negative affirmations twist and distort our world view so that everything we experienced has 'bad flavor.' During many long hours of simply enduring the pain I would say in my mind "I am the life of pain, my life IS pain, my life IS suffering, this is what I am meant to experience. You (referring to myself) will never escape your pain in life, it is your lot, it is your destiny."

The mechanism is juxtaposition. We create a box within our minds, put labels on it, and then we fill the box with experiences which fall into the categories we have assigned the box. Now when we recognize an experience which we have put in the box, it creates a similar subjective experience; what ever the feeling is we assign is now also assigned to the new experience. We literally are imbuing meaning on to our experiences in this way. This phenomenon is at work which I have discovered through many hours of contemplation and distillation.

Looking back at these affirmations now, it seems clear I was creating negative filters for myself; distorting my perspective to bare negative fruit. When we are in the trenches of trauma, our normal rational processes seem to breakdown, and we find ourselves lost in a stormy sea, constantly smashing on the rocks of our discontent. This wasn't my first experience of feeling helpless. Helplessness, from a Soul Growth perspective, is like jumping out of the drivers seat and letting the ship of life wander aimless in the night. We feel like victims and we lose touch with our powers of creation which will allow us to grow from the experience.

The key is changing the labels, and using or mental powers to imbue the experiences we have with positive affirmations; ideal based on an Objective and Inclusive understanding. In other words, from a perspective of soul growth, my experiences are pivotal to cause the change I need to move forward. From deterministic perspective, I am just suffering because of random chance. For me it is clear which perspective yields the most empowering emotional response.

Pain = an Uninvited and Intense Experience of being consciously aware of sensations and feelings

I have always had to endure pain in my life - or to say it another way - I have always had intense experiences in my life that I did not invite and as a result caused me to label them as 'painful.' I am a very sensitive person both emotionally and physically. I remember as a child and adult simply living life on a daily basis felt like I had to endure more than others. I would watch my friends and family eat fast food and drink sodas with impunity, while if I did those things, I would suffer the results of an upset stomach, headache or sleeplessness.

In addition, it seems that I am aware of a great deal at every moment; I seem to have a high density of Consciousness within experiences. For example, just sitting and talking with a friend I am constantly receiving a huge amount of intuitive, emotional and material data; a second seems to feel like an eternity. This makes me aware of so much about a person it becomes difficult to engage them at the level they are used to; which is usually superficial or skimming the surface of the potential. Engaging in small talk with someone, where it is clear there is no real desire for a true sharing of data and experience, can be very difficult for me, as I can feel the shallowness of the exchange.

As a result of receiving so much data at any given moment and being profoundly Conscious of it, I have developed a complementary logical and rational process to make sense of it all. It is far from perfect, but because I am so intuitive by nature, it is very easy for me to think of an idea and intuitively know if it works for describing reality as I have experienced it. The Key for me, is not resting on the conclusion drawn at any given moment, instead always seeking to find a deeper, more inclusive understanding of what IS.

In my life, I experience tremendous emotional swings which are intense and sometimes overwhelming. As a Scorpio, I am apparently gifted with a powerful emotional capacity and depth; I am becoming more familiar with Astrological Archetypes now in my studies.

Debbi, one of my new found soul family, has a professional Astrology and Numerology program, and she offered to generate a report for me. This is similar to the website Julian used which ultimately revealed the name for his Photography blog Transcendent Explorer; The Secret Language of Birthdays. In my report there is mention of how I am a powerfully emotional person, which is the source of my power and energy, but as a result of my awareness I must develop a powerful logical and rational understanding - grounding my intuitive experience into the rational. Debbi's chart seems to confirm the notion: the mind and logic are not only the prime cause of all suffering but also the prime liberator. An intriguing paradox to contemplate for those wondering what exactly the Mind IS.

Making Sense of it All: Perspective is Everything

This archetype of my life (that of intensity of feeling, emotion and ideas) has played out in may ways for me, with many episodes of depression and upset along with bliss and elation. For a time, it seemed like life on Earth was just too hard to bare for me. It was not until I began to open my mind and change my world views that I began to reconcile all my experience into a liberating perspective, which is: we have a physical life in the body which is shaping and molding a Spiritual BEingness.

In other words, the source of my suffering was a deterministic world view (a perspective shaped by my choices and beliefs), where God was a fiction sold by greedy people and all of life seemed to be a storm of chaos with no direction. This perspective was so deep, so entrenched that I was not fully aware of the affect it had on me. But now that I was here in Morocco I was finally going to empower myself to transform my perspective.

As I have discovered in my contemplation and development of a technique for Soul Liberation, the Universe will constantly give you experiences which cause your meanings to be charged with emotion, this is the tool for making something Conscious which operates at an Unconscious level. Once you become conscious of this aspect of yourself, how you have chosen to see a thing, you can now begin to consciously change that meaning. This change in meaning will not take root unless it is acted upon, and is later consciously affirmed within.

Contrast opens the Mind for new Perspectives

Red, the MacroBiotic chef who helped prepare wonderful meals during the QEG time, would speak with me in long discussions about life paths and why some experience things differently than others. Earlier in life, had I not struggled to find foods and daily habits that added vitality to my life, I may have never discovered true Health and the knowledge of how to heal ourselves with natural, organic and holistic means. And it was Health, and the discovery of the Gerson Therapy Protocols for curing cancer, that opened my eyes to the vast oceans of truth which are hidden on this world; it was my Rabbit Hole moment.

My 'lot in life' was to experience things at a more acute level of intensity than those around me, at least this is the way it felt. And for much of my life, I fought this aspect of my experience, feeling like I got a "bum deal" and was "dealt a shitty hand:" a very dis-empowering victim mindset which always yields 'negative' emotions. "Why can't I eat foods that are bad for me with impunity like others around me?!"

I realized, again, in the midst of my most intense personal agony here in Morocco, that nothing I experience is by accident for all is an aspect of my Spiritual Progression. This was underscored again as a result of the pain I was feeling since arriving in Morocco.

A shift was taking place. During my episodes of intense pain, I found myself praying and going deep within to find joy in my experience instead of suffering. Regardless if I could heal the condition completely or not, taking up my creative prerogatives would not only make me feel better - because I would no longer be acting like a victim - but it would allow me to begin the process of alchemizing this experience I had labelled as bad and unwanted. In the end, it was my perspective - the way I was choosing to see things that needed to change - for the mind is the gateway and master key to all transformation and transcendence; despite many popular claims that the mind is our enemy.

The Technique of Transmutation and Alchemy

Let me now describe to you the technique of Alchemization which I have developed over the course of my life. These processes are, like most things we learn in life, enhanced and extended all the time. I had thought, previous to coming to Morocco, I had already mastered an aspect of this technique, but the whole experience here reminded me that as we enter a realm of mastery in one field, another door opens in another realm, driving us to go even deeper; our work of Self Mastery is never complete.

I began to focus on kinesthetic techniques for healing myself, as well as taking the time to be aware of the messages I was receiving from my body. Prior to this, when I would feel a surge of pain I would basically curse the Universe and myself for having to endure it; a negative affirmation. Now I accept this pain as an initiative step in my transformation. My pain is a way of the universe saying: Pay Attention Inward Now! creating potential to changing of our mind and the changing of our choices on how we see things, which is the keystone in the Bridge of transformation.

Yoga is something I have always wanted to do but never attempted; until now. I started doing stretching exercises and more importantly clearing my mind so I could focus on my body and the signals it was sending me. This created a space where I could start a program of positive affirmations using the Juxtaposition technique and change the labels I had placed on the boxes within.

The key is the Mind; and many have defined the mind as something separate from ourselves; this a flaw in our understanding of the mind which helps cause the 'bathwater' reaction. I define the mind in the same way the Ancient Hermetic Philosophers have and this definition seems to be more reflective of reality upon personal contemplation:
Mind - a: the element or complex of elements in an individual that feels, perceives, thinks, wills, and especially reasons, b: the conscious mental events and capabilities in an organism, c: the organized conscious and unconscious adaptive mental activity of an organism - Source
Using this definition of mind, essentially anything in your experience which creates the potential for choice is an aspect of mind functioning. Logic and Reason help you to make choices, just like emotions and feelings; they are all part of the same process for reasoning. They work differently, but ultimately it has the same effect, it creates the awareness for you to make a choice. And with this perspective in hand, all our subjective experiences are a function of the Mind; which includes the Heart and Body. I have come to understand Heart Space as an open mind, where we are not so dependent on absolute certainty.

This understanding of what the mind IS, seems to be the most misunderstood aspect of ourselves. In discussing with my fellows, almost everyone I encounter has a different definition of what the mind is; many having the perspective that you can be in "heart space" and this separates you from the Mind in some way. But given the above definition and upon contemplation of how we make choices, it seems that any distinction between feeling, emotions and logic is arbitrary, as if viewing 2 sides of the same coin; both sides are actually one. The Mind, Heart and Body are all on part of the same thing - our BEing. When I use the word 'mind' it usually refers to the part of us that is aware of the possibility to make a choice, and does not necessarily exclude the Heart or Feeling centers of our experience.

The following concept begins to make sense in light of this new perspective on the word mind: "the mind and logic are not only the prime cause of all suffering but also the prime liberator." This is where most of us get confused, what I call 'the bathwater' reaction, where we dismiss everything to do with the Mind and logic as if it is the source of our suffering. The paradox is that there is truth in this idea; but with a twist.

The key is: everything without and within is meaningless, our free will is what decides the meaning which creates the subjective experience we know as ours; a process of Juxtaposition. This happens consciously and unconsciously, and our emotions reflect to us the meaning structure we have created for ourselves when the thing we have given meaning to is within our focus or attention. Our Re-Presentation of the outer world within is how we ground our experience into ourselves and this shapes our emotional reactions and feelings as reflections to us. My pain since coming to Morocco is an example of this.

This point can not be over emphasized in my view. As we discussed in the post Keys to Living - Positive and Negative Knowledge: Fearlessness, Self Mastery and Healing the body it is the meanings we assign the Objective Symbols which 'create our reality;' our Subjective Experience. This applies to Subjective Experiences (within) as well as the physical creative acts we make in the Objective world (without). For all of life is an infinite sea of Symbols, which we - via free will - assign meaning to, and as a result shape our personal experience. The more accurate the meanings we assign are - the better we are able to discern and understand the objective reality - the more powerfully we can create a positive experience subjectively and in turn create a better world around us. Being at your best in body and mind does not only affect you it affects the world around you via your choices or creative acts.

Initially, I judged this pain and my injury as a curse and a bad thing, trying to fight it, reject it and run away from it. This fear, in turn created more stress and physical pain in my life, but more than that, it created a schism in my BEing, and a charge of trauma which could only be neutralized by the opposite pole; acceptance or love.

For in this Universe we live in, there are many seemingly paradoxical things. How can a loving Creator, who is all wise and all knowing, also allow so much suffering and torment? Developing within ourselves an understanding of how it ALL reconciles together ultimately reveals a plan for Spiritual Attainment and Progression; which upon personal contemplation and distillation usually presents itself; it becomes Self Evident. Within this perspective, my pain, my injury and my suffering was an offer to change and in doing so grow beyond the limits of who I was; to realize who I AM.

A Turning Point

At around mid April I began to use these techniques of inner alchemy and change my thoughts about the experiences I was having. From a technical standpoint, the Objective Symbols in my life did not change - my pain and my injury were as intense as ever - but my relationship to them was different because I was giving them new meanings, and as a result I started to feel some hope that this too shall pass.

Just as the QEG intensity began to die down, as Hope and Val left Aouctham to journey elsewhere in the world in mid May 2014, I developed a better appreciation for what I was going through in my process of healing. I was still enduring a great deal of pain but now it seemed like some healing was taking place physically and on an emotional level I could cope better with intense episodes. They became less traumatizing emotionally as time went on and I actually felt a determination to pass through this victimized mind set I created for myself.

I had developed many techniques for dealing with this situation. I was using Urine Therapy to heal the wound itself and even did a four day Urine Fast to help the healing process. The intention was originally for a 30 day fast but I ended up stopping the fast early because I did not anticipate the dependency on the experience of eating food to make me feel alive and connected. I had been in a debilitated mindset for so long there was nothing I did on a daily basis that made me feel alive; eating food apparently was one of the only things I was doing for this. This is a tale for another post, but needless to say I started doing a lot more yoga, stretching, guitar playing, reading, meditation, conversation, really anything that energizes me as part of a realization that I had been living a stunted life for months.

Chefchaouen and the Walk up the Mountain

Photography by Julian Robles

In mid June, as a result of looking for another piece of land to develop sustainable projects on, a group of 9 Aouchtamers made a journey to Chefchaouen Morocco. For the complete story about this you can read the parts which will be coming soon. You can view the photos here.

Chefchaouen is a small city nestled between two horn shaped mountains only 50 kilometers from the Mediterranean. There is a Madinah (walled city) within a modern Moroccan city populated by a wholesome local 'Berber' people. The people of this land do not refer to themselves as Berber's, there is a local name that I am not familiar with. The term Berber refers to the Greek etymology: from Arabic barbar, from Greek barbarus ‘foreigner’. This area of Morocco is free to grow as much Keefe (Marijuana) as they like without interference from the Moroccan Government; this is what has been shared with us. I believe the official policy is that Marijuana is still illegal.

Photography by Julian Robles

On the Southern Face of the Western horn mountain is the blue 12 bedroom house the nine of us stayed at and were invited to by a Local farmer. This man, Adeel, had several properties which he was working, and wanted to show us his other properties further up the Mountain. The day after we arrived, we decided to venture up to his other plantation and see his fields.

Photography by Julian Robles

Because there was only one car, a group of us decided to start walking to the other location and Adeel was going to come back to pick us up after dropping the others off. The other plantation was about 7 kilometers away tucked inside a small valley about 250 meters below the summit. The valley is in between the horn mountains of Chefchaouen.

Little did we realize at the time, but we would be making the entire journey by foot. Needless to say, it was a major physical task to walk up that mountain. For me this was one of the most intense experiences since coming to Morocco, as I was enduring a lot of pain on top of having to walk up the mountain in 90 degree heat. I was out of shape and not physically prepared for this journey. Despite all these reasons to loathe the experience, it ended up being one of the highlights of my time here in Morocco. The views were spectacular, the sounds of nature a delight and the time we spent with the local people, eating their food and seeing their way of life, was invaluable.

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Photography by Julian Robles

Note: To view more photos of Chefchaouen check out Julian's Facebook Like Page.

The Trip was a major breakthrough for me, one of the first times I was able alchemize my experience, which I normally be viewed as bad, and in doing so, have a wonderfully inspiring time. We were only there two days, but it was a major accomplishment for me in my personal healing and transmutation process.

As the next few weeks unfolded, I continued to feel better and also began experiencing physical healing. The flare-up all but healed but there is a large amount of scar tissue still needing to be addressed. I can also lead a fairly normal life without having to fear debilitating pain or suffering. I have a renewed appreciation for life and with this new found technique of transformation at my disposal, I am doing a lot of work internally to remove boundaries, and pass through long ignored fears.

As of this writing, I only experience about a 1 to 3 level of pain which is diminishing on a daily basis, and hope that with continued efforts, I may one day have some normalcy back. I have even considered major surgery to resolve the issue, but I hesitate to do anything so drastic, as there are always complications.

For now I am ecstatic that I can sit and have a discussion with a friend, without being totally distracted by the pain. There was a time I feared going anywhere because being trapped on a bus or in town with no place to regain composure was always a traumatic experience. There were many times I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. But now I can comfortably go places without fear of empending Trauma.

I am back on track in my life and feel a renewed passion for the Spiritually enriching challenges that await me!

The Community in Aouchtam
Photography by Julian Robles
We are currently working on a major series of posts detailing what has been going on here in Aouctham. I can not share everything, but I will share as much as I can without dishonoring agreements with those who may not want their personal information revealed publicly.

Stay Tuned!
- Justin

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